Wednesday, August 20, 2008

I will be...

As I'm playing 'catch up' w/ my favorite blogs a dear friend of mine drew my attention to Kelly's. My friend Ashley said, " you should really read her blog." So, w/ all my curiosity I did and have been practically all day reading most of her entries and this one I found amazing. It's a poem that she found comfort in and I find myself.

Even though our journey to have a child is no where near over, our own struggles are yet the same and have the same pain. Each day is a new day with it's new struggles but the same prayer flows out of my mouth every day, all day, "Lord, please bless us with a child..."
Here's the poem..this is not to offend anyone....I just find comfort and truth in this.. :)

There are women who become mothers without effort,
without thought,
without patience or loss,
and though they are good mothers and love their children,
I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics or money or because I have read more books,
but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.

I have longed and waited.
I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep,
and discover.
I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream.
My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.

I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.

I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.

Kelly is now pregnant and found out she's having a girl! :) PRAISE HIS NAME!!! Please remember us in your prayers as we face each new day...

1 comment:

Kelly said...

Glad you found my blog and that poem. I read it over and over and over while we were trying. I know how hard and frustrating it is to wait for that baby - but I also know the IMMENSE joy you will feel when you do get a baby that will more than make up for the sad days. Hang in there.
I may want to order a diaper bag. Let me get back with you. They sure are cute!