Friday, January 24, 2014

Our Soon-to-be Normal

The more I think about adding a life to our little family, the more excited I become. I remember feeling terrified and nervous at this point (I'm almost 35 weeks w/ Rhett now) of the unknown, and how our lives would change.  Now, I semi-know what to expect w/ a newborn, given each child and baby is different.  I know sleep will be a thing of the past, which hasn't really been "present" since Shelby arrived anyway, we will be late to things, we will have to pack a million items anytime we go anywhere, we'll have to be flexible, things won't always go as planned and most the time won't come close, there will be meltdowns by ALL OF US and sometimes all at the same time, and life will never be the same.  This doesn't scare me like it did when we were waiting for Shelby to come.  The thing that scares me this time is how Shelby's life will change. THAT scares me.  I know she's going to be a fabulous big sister and HUGE help, but I want her to continue to feel like the princess she is and to have attention that she needs and is used to. I KNOW that will change and her attention she'll receive will just be in a different way.  I'm fearful that she will be overcome w/ feeling left-out by me having to devote so much time to Rhett or like she doesn't matter anymore now that he's here. I am racking my brain to come up with ways to keep her as my precious baby and so far, I think it's going to be a challenge but manageable.  I'm a planner...plain and simple...that's what I do. Now, whether it's completely followed through, that happens, but I am a planner and it gives me peace and comfort so bear with me...LOL...

First of all,
On the day we are scheduled to have Rhett, I want JUST Josh and Shelby in the recovery room w/ me and Rhett. I want time w/ just our new little family and let Shelby be in control of what goes on then. I want her to be the first person outside of me and Josh to hold Rhett; he is, after all, HER little brother, and I want their bond to begin right away, just as I want the bond Rhett and I to have begin right away as well. I want peace and quiet w/ just us for  a outside visitors til later...even our families... I feel this is important for Shelby to get to know this new little person who will be forever in our lives that I've felt grow, kick, roll, jab and thrive inside me.  I worry about this and how our families will react since this is the "first grandson" and everyone will want to soak him up.  I didn't have a plan w/ shelby and I still remember feeling deprived of time with just Josh and Shelby. I didn't get that. I felt bombarded and invaded almost by family and people holding her.  Privacy, in these initial moments, is something I really want this time. On that note, when it comes to feeding Rhett, I will be breastfeeding and I want that to be private as well.  It was not with Shelby and it was very uncomfortable for me.  I am a pretty open book but there are somethings I like to keep to myself and not open to the world, and that's one of them.  Again, ONLY Josh and Shelby should be sharing these moments w/ me.  I've been very open w/ Shelby in this area and it's something she is interested in being apart of and I want her to be.  I want her to be my little helper and she will be good at that.

I think the thing I'm most worried about isn't having Rhett, being cut wide open again for a csection, or any of the recovery.... I'm most worried about Shelby while all this is going on.  I do not want her to be pushed aside or just given something to do while everyone focuses on Rhett and his arrival. I want her to feel special. I'm still trying to figure out what to do for her on the day Rhett arrives; maybe a gift, or goodie bag with special things JUST FOR HER.  This all falls back to the conversations of anytime someone sees Shelby they initially ask if she's excited to be a big sister.  She is but she's an individual and has interests too, ask about HER. I'm having a real hard time letting go of this only child business.  She's been our #1 focus for almost 5 years now and that having to change is tough for me to wrap my brain around.  So I don't know what's going to happen with her on this day, or who will be caring for her. I want to be, but that can't happen... :( I wish she could be with me the whole time, but again, that can't happen. :(  I've cried myself to sleep almost every night over this and wanting Shelby to be ok and feel special and not pushed aside.
Just pray for me... pregnancy hormones are over taking me!


Elaine Welte said...

We just added our 3rd baby to the family this past summer. I totally agree that you'll want some time with your new little family! Make sure your family and friends know and be sure to let your nurses know! We had my cousin stay with my two other girls and when it was time to push, they came to the hospital. My girls weren't the first in the room. My mom was in the delivery room with my husband and I, and because the 3rd baby came pretty fast, my girls didn't make it right in time, and their grandparents were able to see the baby first. That was fine with me. Anyway, we made sure that the girls were given a present and they each came in and sat on the bed with me and held their new baby sister. That weekend, while I was in the hospital, they were able to get mani and pedi's and spend some special time with their grandparents that they don't get to see often b/c we live out of state. They came to the hospital on the second day, but I also wanted them to feel somewhat normal…… I'm kind of rambling! Anyway, it looks like you have a great plan in place! Prayers for a smooth delivery and recovery!

Karen Weido said...

I worried about all this as well. After Bug came we fell into a routine and Ting was so excited about being able to show off her baby brother. We did, and still, make time to have one on one time with each kid. It just works itself out.
Before Bug was born I found a necklace on Etsy. It has a charm with her name and one that says Big Sister. I wrapped it up and gave it to her after Bug was born. We told her it was a gift from her brother. She still wears it with pride.
I know it's impossiblw to not worry about it. I was there. But I promise it all works itself out.